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September 06 a beautiful worldnow when i finanlly (having said this, most of my friends would still consider it's too early!) settle down, everything's been put to the prospectives!
life is beautiful!
when i was swimming in the warm mediterranean sea, with little fish of different colours and wonder how can nature be so effortlessly wonderful, even without me adding more drama and acting like a fool...
when i stood in the clear water of blue lagoon, when i frolic in the window Azzure, when i trace the history in Mdina and Victoria, when i saw the light flashing on tower eiffel, when i was hypnotised by the wildest colour of tulips in amsterdam, when the sun set blaze on the Aegene sea of Greece where methy meet with reality....
i love life! July 21 n.aI couldn't forgive myself
for i am hurting myself
now i just realise
all the damage been done by one's own
cannot have justification at all
I still believe, i still will
for it is in my blood to trust
it is in my fate to wound
so what, people fall
we wish to god we can fly
but we just fall
love is only in the hell
when we fall in love, we are in hell July 09 angel? pigeon?Whenever i see a feather on the ground, which happen to be quite many in a city like London, I'd say to myself:' hey, an angel!'
Yes, that's how stupid i am, believe that the feather fell from an angel, and i am lucky to see it and it must bring me some kind of good luck!
Then one day, i was walking in Hyde Park with my man ( call him that because apart from he is a man, I don't know what else connections will be there between us, it was the first date!). It was the cold early spring afternoon, near sunset, the park is chilly yet full of trace of life. Again i saw a feather just on my path, and could not hold back the excitment, saying to him :' Look, an angel! an angel's feather!'. He looked at me, with the kindness and tease in his eyes, 'hmm, think that's the pigeon!' I looked around, indeed all these little fat bastards busy picking on the seeds, the bread crumbles and whatever little treats on the ground. There are so many of them, and the ducklings, the swans, the geese, and the birds i cannot even name! indeed, the feather could be from any of them, why an angel? for a second i was really gutted!
It is not that i have ever had an personal encounter with the divine beings, yet i believe in them. I don't expect them to magically appear one day, in front of me and offer me some wishes (for that, you need to find your genie in the bottle!). but the thought of them makes me happy, put a smile on my face and feeling i must be lucky to have that protection as i believe in them! Guess that's some kind of faith in a very simple term.
yet my 'closer to the earth' man just pointed out some truth, some fact, some quite obvious but less romantic observations to me. I have to wake up from my dreamy world, to really look at surroundings and accept the place my body finds shelter even though our mind may wander. I am not vindictive about losing my angels to the pigeons, certainly not disappointed not all of others share my fantacy. After all, unique feelings should make one feel special and differences is one thing truly worth celebration!
July 08 Life goes on with no baggages from yesterdayYesterday was the bombing day! it was raining, raining and raining!
When the death seems so near and everyone else seems so far!
Today, back to normal, hustle and bustle on London streets, apart from occasional sirens of police cars sped over and some news reporters setting up their equipment in from of some commom tube stations, no sign of a major crisis happened! Amazing how poised Londoner handle their emotions and have great grace over life's unexpectancy and live a life without baggages from yesterday.
but, on the other hand, are we all numbed with what's going on, or simply don't have the function of being scared, being threathened, being in doubts and being vulnerable.
Either the whole human kind has evoloved, without giving me any notice, or i am just out of the planet for a sec. anyway, i don't feel that's right, and i don't feel good. It's often difficult to realise that i have the right to be weak and vulnerable, to be uncertain and questioning. there is certainly no shame in that, i hope.
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